Up and Down

Is time to start my emo post again, i just can say, sorry, I really so emo today.

My mood never change into better since the day that I came back from Penang. Yea, you are right, I miss my dear. And I feel pressure enough at Subang. A lot of assignments are waiting for me, all are individual work, wtf!!! 

I'm just like rushing my time in Taylor, just keep doing assignments, everyday assignment and assignment. Maybe i'm not used to this kind of pressure suddenly, the big changes is totally become a pressure for me. 

Degree life is really totally big different with diploma. I can't sleep everyday, and I just force myself to sleep in the middle of the nights recently. Don't know who to find in the late night, don't who should I find in the midnight. I tried to call dear, but we just like made the things more even worst, for example argue.

What should I do when I sleepless in the middle of the nights? Can you all tell me? Although I just came back for 2 days, but its likes 2 weeks already, the time is walking but not running. No matter how busy I made myself, the time is hard to past.

A special feeling, when I was at Penang, I will feel happy and relax no matter how many assignments that i'm handling now. But when i'm at Subang, everything goes wrong, I don't have a clear mind, and hard to see my smile.

I'm getting bad, dear is starting her new college life right now, everyday morning class, that's mean he need to sleep early, but I know sometimes he just want to accompany me and don't want to sleep early. I feel so remorse, and I tried to lie him that i'm going to sleep, so that he will sleep too. However, it is not really work. I was sleepless at the night, but if dear is sleeping, then who should I talk to? 

One more bad thing, I fake my smile, so that dear won't see. It is hard for me, but at least he won't worry me. No matter what am I trying to do now is just not try to make dear worry about me. Because I know he will not happy if i'm not happy too.

Tell me what should I do now okay? I really out of ideas. I don't mind to feel suffer, as long as dear is happy now and ever. I'm his gf which always hurt him into the deepest.

I love my dear, this is a wellknown thing. I don't know what to do to make him feel better. Dear, tell me what should I do to make you feel better...

Tears dropping. I need someone to talk to, but there is no one else...

Night.