Bologna, see you next time.

It is 12.45am, Saturday. I supposed to be at Hong Kong now, maybe hang+ing out with my dearest bros at Lan Kwai Fong, and waiting for flight to Milan later. 

However, I'm still in Malaysia now and just finished my supper with dear. I didn't check-in this morning. I know i'm not ready for Bologna yet. And I too 'se bu de' my guy. 

 Many people might don't know about this, sorry for lying. The purpose that I leave is too complicated. And, sorry and thanks to Aston Koh and Louis Koh. 

As I had promised with them, I will be there with them when i'm ready. 

*******************************************************

This morning, when I signed in my Facebook, I saw this

Feel free to have a look on this

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=151668&id=678834274

This was what my dear's eldest bro took during CNY, I thought to fly to Bologna, so keep this as memory. But now, it is a photo album to make us stronger.

Thankkiu Ashton Hee, I love this.

Bologna, I love Penang more than you, because here got my dear. But I promise, I will be there when i'm ready, maybe with dear too. 

Bologna, see you next time...

Again, sorry and thanks to Aston Koh and Louis Koh, always my dearest bros, I love you too...

The Sire Museum

I was at The Sire Museum last Saturday with dear and eldest bro. To have a pre-birthday celebration with both of them. 

How lucky there are, both of them were born in 22 February. 

These are the dishes.

We were late which we supposed to reach around 7.30pm. Damn jam!!! 

And, we enjoyed the food and environment and almost forget about Kek Lok Si after dinner, hahaha...

Unfortunately, there are not allowed to take photo, too many antiques in this Museum. 

Happy 21st Birthday to my dear, I always love you...

CNY I

CNY...

Sorry, I have not much time to update my blog. But, this is my little update for CNY 2010.

I was so busy these few days, food, angpao, gamble, party, drink & drunk. These were how I spent in these days.

Btw, I know how to play mahjong now. Muahahaha.... I know it is not a big matter.

Everyday reached home at least 3.30 am,wtf. I'm enjoying my CNY celebrations.

Party last night.

Seriously, please don't go club during CNY, fucking much people!!! We was like sandwiches and sardines, stuck in the club. But, it was quite enjoyable.

I'm going to off for dinner later, with dear's family. 

p/s: To Aston Koh and Louis Koh, both of you had finished my 1983 lafite!!! I wanna kill both of you!!!
 

Ms Ribenna

Everyone said Chinese New Year (CNY) must 'Ang ang ang', means all RED la. So, I had dyed my hair into red also. Purple red!!! 

It is totally same with Ribenna's color. I think I should change my name now. wtf

I think I need some time to adapt it. It is not like totally can't accept, just it takes time. hahaha... 

This is my story, and I heard one of my besties said that she also went for hair cut, but she cried. Because of cut until toooooo short already. Seriously she cried. Hahaha... Don't cry la babe. 

So, both of us, temporary have no photos to show. Give us some time please...

*************************************************************

Another story, I went to Thaipusam celebration last Saturday with dear and friends.

Everyone brought a PROFESSIONAL DSLR except me, because it is too heavy for me, I left my Babie D 90 at home. Btw, they really looked so PRO!!! However, I haven't see the photos which taken by them. Hehe...

Taken by dear, I know it looks funny. I don't why he can get this photo.

Damn hot the weather, look at me, what did I wore, the weather was killing me, even now. After it, we went to somewhere which provides air-con, tada.... Coffee Island. Swt, seriously, Nicole anti this cafe. 

My friend was busy+ing to play iPhone's game. Me and dear, nothing to do, so... simply take photossss....

Look at him, smile so fake. Lol...

It will be CNY after 2 more weeks, happy or unhappy, I also don't know... Dear tell me please... You still owed me somethings.

p/s: wish my red hair will look much better after today... hope I can adapt it ASAP!

*06-12-2009*

I went to KDU again today, together with dear. I know, it is not important. Btw, today KDU's library is closed, wtf. And I wait him at Canteen. lol...

Today, I have my another off day again. So I decided to head to Penang early in the morning with dear. Happy... Although I have to wake up early in the morning.

I had really enjoyed my holiday yesterday. I went to Kek Lok Si with Irene, Soon Hua and dear. Head to have breakfast, dim sum at BM. Then moved faster to Kek Lok Si after it, because we were late!!!

When we reached there, there was 9 something in the morning, but we suddenly saw the banners which wrote the celebration will be started at 8 am. OMG!!! We were really late!!! And, we can't get any parking there. But, luckily the weather is so good, so that my mood is good also.

There were so jammmm!!! Playing around in the car. 

This was the first photo that we took that day. At that moment, everyone was looking at us, 4 crazy Penang Kia playing around.

After that, we headed to Kuan Yin statue by cable car.

Seriously, the cable car is better than Penang Hill's cable car, a lot a lot, at least got air-con.

Me and Irene bought Carnations.

Kek Lok Si trip end, the next destination is Surname Bridge.

While I walked to the Surname Bridge, dear took this photo. Don't laugh pls, I also don't know what I did.

I will not talk so much about Surname Bridge, because I had posted it before. Then we went to PC fair after it. 

" When you are too addicted to PC fair, then you will become like this" said dear.

PC fair? Actually there were no cheap PC at PC fair compared to the retail shops, just they gave a lot of free gifts. So, don't be cheated by those sellers. You might spend more at there.

I was so happy yesterday, because I spent my day with them. I wish there still got chances for our next trip. I really appreciate the time.


There are still a lot of photos, I will upload it in facebook soon.

I really feel happy when I together with him, I really enjoy my time. I hope he appreciate too, because he knows what am I meant. Lastly, I wish there will be some miracle happened. I do pray everyday, every moment. 

p/s: Dear, remember what you have promised me!!! XD

Love

Should I go or not?

December is reached, the weather is different, cold and keep raining this few days. Btw, Sunway Carnival Mall is snowing everyday. Hahaha... I can feel that the Christmas is coming.

I'm wondering this year, don't know whether I got chance to celebrate Christmas or not, my sick is so annoying. 

What can I do in 5 years time? Or maybe 1 year? Too short for me. I'm thinking everyday. I hope there are some solutions for me. 

I just want to do something which I like. Italy, I don't think it is a suitable choice for me. But everyone wants me to go, why? 

Tell me please, should I go or not? 50:50, thinking going or not. Everything will be changed if I going. Actually few days ago I already decided that i'm not going, but... something happened, they want me to re-consider again. 

This morning, should be mid-night, I felll down from the stair again, and I have been sent to hospital quickly. Doctor had been warning me that I can't fall down again, but who knows what will happen on next?

Doctor said a lot of things to me, and I know my time is getting lesser, it is really serious, I saw purple, nose bleeding... I know there are so many things I might not do it on time. However, I got my reasons, the reality forces me to do so.

And I know the Italy's weather is less than 5'c, damn cold!!! 

I choose to stay back, because of my dear. I wish to see him everyday while I still can, but something made me so disappointed. And if I going to Italy, who will accompany him all the while. When I choose to go KL for my studies, it was really a wrong decision. I don't want to repeat the selfish mistake again. 

Even I stay back, it is not for my health, but it is for dear. I just want to use my left time to accompany him, at least do something for him. Maybe there will be some miracle happen, but at least I try to do all the things which I like now. No more regret.

I wish he can hear me. I just want to do something for him. This is the only thing which I can do for him.

Tell me, should I go or not?

Is time to off. Although i'm sitting in the mall with doing nth.


Pray.

Smile or cry?

I was going to watch 2012 with dear yesterday. Honestly, the movie was really disappointed me. But, at least I can know how am I going to die in year 2012. It is really scary.

And, finally, I get my birthday cake for year 2009. Although it is late, but at least dear didn't break promise at last. 

A white forest.

A birthday had been sang again, I know it is touching.

Look at his face!!!

This photo will be better.

Btw, while I was so happy last night, I also get another pain, although it was happened in a few days before, and dear help me to enswathe my scalded wound.

And it looks so serious. Hahaha...

***********************************************************************************

This morning, I supposed to go and see doctor for medical check up. When I woke up, I was still in the happiness but everything is cancelled at last. Even my lunch.

And, I fell down from upstair while I was so dizzy just now attached with my chest pain hardly. What to do now? I really very angry right now, crying for my pain. But, who knows? Just wondering about why i'm facing so much of pain? And why the promises will not keep going on?

I hate argument, that's why I choose to quit, I rather sit at home with nothing. Maybe there is no lies, but it hurts me deeply again. 

Starting from now

Today, I went to church with my roommate, Ivana. I pray for everything, my studies, health, for those people who love, I just pray. I wish everything will be okay, tomorrow will be another good day, I believe.

I just received a message from dear, he is busy+ing with her late cousin's funeral. He is sad to see all of his family members are crying heavily in the funeral. One of his cousin sister was fainted after cried. Although i'm not there, but I really can feel that how close the relationship there are.

My heart is pain suddenly, I believe that there is no one like to see any of his/her family member leave away, the feeling is hard to describe, especially in this case.

There are still got many things we can do right now. We refused to do many thing in the past, maybe we have not be ready yet, maybe we hate to do so, but one thing is time keeps running every moment, we can't even stop the time.

For example, I took a nap from 3pm to 5pm in 11 October 2009, that's mean there is no more 3pm to 5pm in 11 October 2009 anymore in future. Time can be past easily, we regret in past. However, we can turn the regret into appreciate start from now. We can capture every moment start from now.

These few days my emotion is up and down again, I just didn't show it, because I know dear is sad right now, I shouldn't bother him anymore. Nicole loves to cry, but she enjoys the feeling after cry, because there is another good day to her again.

There is nothing stronger than willingness. As long as we want to do, we are willing to do, I don't think we will get a bad result at last.

I'm waiting for dear's message all the time, although dear is busy, I can't get his messages sometimes, but once I had received his messages, I feel appreciate, because he is still there for me, he is still by my side.


That's all for today.

God bless you.


Goodnight.

Happy 2nd Anniversary

Damn emo today, my mood is not good totally. Just try to make myself busy and busy all the time. And can't even talk nicely to anyone. One word, crazy. Nicole is crazy.

I'm facing too much of the pressure, I can't use to this kind of pressure, everything in my mind is negative, really can't think it nicely. Cry and cry, I know it doesn't work, but I really have no choice. I need something to release my emotion.

At last, I argued with dear. I wish he knows that i'm very suffer from those pressure, I know i'm not the one who having these pressure, but i'm very suffer now. 

Today, 4th Oct 2009 is our 2nd Anniversary. But, dear is celebrating Mooncake festival with his buddies, and i'm blogging alone in hostel. Suddenly feel likes everything is a lie. Something what he did is totally not fair to me. I'm sad.

No celebration for 2nd anniversary, no accompany, what also don't have. Not a very special day, because we are doing something different at the same time. I should say, I'm sad.

Actually I really don't know what to blog today, just random. I'm in depression, who knows it? I don't think anyone know it.

Once I step forward, I think everything will be fine. Oh ya, Nicole is going insane.

Anyway, Happy 2nd Anniversary. I love my dear, I wish... I know he know it.

Goodnight.

Up and Down

Is time to start my emo post again, i just can say, sorry, I really so emo today.

My mood never change into better since the day that I came back from Penang. Yea, you are right, I miss my dear. And I feel pressure enough at Subang. A lot of assignments are waiting for me, all are individual work, wtf!!! 

I'm just like rushing my time in Taylor, just keep doing assignments, everyday assignment and assignment. Maybe i'm not used to this kind of pressure suddenly, the big changes is totally become a pressure for me. 

Degree life is really totally big different with diploma. I can't sleep everyday, and I just force myself to sleep in the middle of the nights recently. Don't know who to find in the late night, don't who should I find in the midnight. I tried to call dear, but we just like made the things more even worst, for example argue.

What should I do when I sleepless in the middle of the nights? Can you all tell me? Although I just came back for 2 days, but its likes 2 weeks already, the time is walking but not running. No matter how busy I made myself, the time is hard to past.

A special feeling, when I was at Penang, I will feel happy and relax no matter how many assignments that i'm handling now. But when i'm at Subang, everything goes wrong, I don't have a clear mind, and hard to see my smile.

I'm getting bad, dear is starting her new college life right now, everyday morning class, that's mean he need to sleep early, but I know sometimes he just want to accompany me and don't want to sleep early. I feel so remorse, and I tried to lie him that i'm going to sleep, so that he will sleep too. However, it is not really work. I was sleepless at the night, but if dear is sleeping, then who should I talk to? 

One more bad thing, I fake my smile, so that dear won't see. It is hard for me, but at least he won't worry me. No matter what am I trying to do now is just not try to make dear worry about me. Because I know he will not happy if i'm not happy too.

Tell me what should I do now okay? I really out of ideas. I don't mind to feel suffer, as long as dear is happy now and ever. I'm his gf which always hurt him into the deepest.

I love my dear, this is a wellknown thing. I don't know what to do to make him feel better. Dear, tell me what should I do to make you feel better...

Tears dropping. I need someone to talk to, but there is no one else...

Night.

' Se Bu De '

The holiday is finished. Back to reality, same case, cry heavily.

I started my way at 4 something, reached Subang at 7 something. On the way back, the day was getting dark and dark, I was so scared, same as now. Drove alone, I thought I can make it, but it shown that I can't in fact. 

I miss my dear, I miss his hug, I miss everything of him. I know he know, I just feel it. We cried before I left just now, this is the 2nd time that I saw dear cry. I feel remorse actually. We are so ' se bu de ' each other, we are going to end our holidays and i'm back to Subang. 

I'm trying to control my tears anytime from now, don't know why, tears dropped easily, i'm not crying, just the tears are dropping. Yea, I'm emo right now.

You all sure think that dear cried is a funny thing, but please don't laugh, this is how I know his feeling. Imagine that your boyfriend is crying in front of you when you are leaving, how do you feel? At the same time, you are so ' se bu de ' him, how are you really feel?

Thanks dear, you gave me wonderful holiday, my days were full with activities everyday. Remember what I told you when I was leaving? The promise, I know we will hold it tight. 

 

I miss you a lot dear, I know you know how I feel right now. 

My heart is pain, but I will listen to you, because it is all your efforts.

I love you dear.

Night.

Weird Penang

Nicole is back in Subang now. Eyes full with tears again, because cried damn heavy on Monday night. Feel likes don't want to come back Subang.

I got a feeling in sudden. It is related to the Penang's weather. When I reached Penang or even I was at Penang, there is no raining, the sun was bright, sunny day all the time.
But when I came back to Subang, Penang is starting to rain. As I knew that Penang was kept raining in last whole week. It is a weird feeling.

I keep telling myself that 2 years will be past in a short while. My dear and family are waiting for me in Penang. This is the only one to help me to stop the tears.
I want to tell my dad here. Dad, I do miss Penang and home so much, please don't always misunderstand me. I really miss home so much.

Homesick and Bf-sick again.

I do miss him too.


Love.

Goodnight.

Tatoo

Do you still remember this song 'Tatoo' by Jordin Sparks? Last night I went dinner with friends, the restaurant was playing this song. It makes me think of many many things.

'Tatoo' shows the sweet and sadness between me and dear. Everytime when I hear this song, I will think so many things, because there are too many things happened in these 2 years. Something sweet, something sad, there are all sealed on my heart. I can't take it off.

Tatoo, just like a tatoo. I always have it. It is invisible, but it's always there.

Penang and Subang is not far actually, almost 3 hours. But for me it is really far, I always thinking that whether Penang's weather is same as Subang? Is dear having the same feeling with me? I wish he tell me how Penang is everyday, but he didn't.

Yea, I admit that I miss him so much, but after I came back from Penang, I really never cry for missing him, because I keep forcing myself not to cry, I should feel enough for what he did for me. I must feel happy of it. And I promised him something, I can't break the promise.

I know someone is going to spoil our relationship, but as I said, there is a tatoo sealed on my heart, it is hard to take it off. A fate, which tied us up, it is tight. There is no ended, because we love each other.


We know we are watching at the same blue sky, breathing at the same air ( but Subang's air is not fresh as Penang ). No matter how long the distance, when we see the invisible tatoo, we will think of each other and missing the otherside secretly.

Miss and Love.




xoxo

Bottom = Down

I'm totally down right now, heart is bleeding, tear is dropping, hard to describe my feeling now. Do you know what happened on me? Ask yourself, if you are my friend, is there anything can make Nicole totally down to the bottom?

Yea, if you know me well, then you should know what is the answer. I don't know it should call 'blaming' or 'misunderstanding' between me and my parent, they just do what they love to do. And I have to follow what to want me to do.

Many people think that I should follow, because parent provides me everything, I should feel full with those materiality. You are right, I got everything, food, bag, house, car, clothes... All are branded, but I don't have family love. I really feel sad about it.

Subang with no family, no parent, no dear. Everything is new now, friends, environment, I still need some time to adapt it. However, they rush me everyday, just like I did a lot of wrong thing, make me can't even breath at all. Just now argued with dear, my heart is pain. I don't know whether it is my problem or his problem or either our problem, he just likes can't even understand my situation now. No matter how much I tell him, he just gave me the same feedback. Maybe he is right, I shouldn't control what I can't control in my life.

Everyone is asking me whether I going back or not this weekend, but I just say :" I don't know." Okay, fine. Even I go back, I also don't know where to stay. My parent not allowed me to go back.

My brain is not functioning at all, headache, thinking about how to solve the problems, together with the pressure in college, really no time for oxygen, can't breath totally. My head is blasting, really going insane soon.

Tell me what should I do, I lost my direction. Yes, I shouldn't off my dear's call, but i just tried to avoid arguing, my fault, I know. I miss him, I love him, I say so many times, but it never stop my feeling.


Dear, sorry about everything, I know you care me, but your actions make me feel like you are same with my parent. I just want my way. I hope you stand my by side and support me, you know what I really want right?


I love you.

Goodnight.

I still came back.

I just came back from Penang, feel bad now. I don't really like Subang actually, thinking to go back on this coming weekend secretly ( without notice by parent ).

The thing was happened again, I cried before, when, after I left, on dear's shoulder and chest. My tears dropped, together with family problems. Why I must come back early? I don't like to stay at Subang!!! I just want to keep more time in Penang. But they never understand.

My heart broken, I know dear heard it, it is painful for me, same to dear.

On the way to Subang just now, I was thinking something negative, related to dear, I know I shouldn't do it, but I really feel unsafe.

Dear, don't just let go whatever you promised me, I will sad. My heart is broken, it can't be broken for 1 more time.

We keep our promises, because I love him no matter what.

I miss dear a lot.

Unchangeable

Today is my first Saturday in Subang, feel weird, because last Saturday I was together with my friends at QE II Penang for my farewell party.

Times went even faster, there were one week that I stayed at Subang. I miss my friends, I miss Penang, especially the food...

Everyone was smiling, no cries, no tears last weekend. We spent for party happily, yea, we were enjoyed it much, the music, the environment made us comfortable. No stress at all.

Party made us closer

I love you dear, yes I know you love me too. XD

We are very appreciate the time when we together, even though just a minute. 2 years, it can be long, but it also can be short, at least we love each other.

I come out with different advices and views everyday, trying to show myself or even dear that the next day will be fresher. We are trying, keep trying all the while, to make everything lasting.

Since we built up the relationship, then we should keep it lasting. Although sometimes we argued still, but just took it as a part of life, we learnt a lot from it. And it makes us stronger to face the next happening.

Love won't be fade away easily, because we love each other, the love is still there...

I shout out again!!! I love you dear, this is how I feel right now. It is a fact, unchangeable...


p/s: Friday comes faster, I miss my dear and home.


Muackss...

Untitled Post

The sixth day to be a Taylorian. Sounds not bad, but it is really stressful. I'm sick now, as I told you all last night, fever, flu, vomit, nose bleeded... All came along. But dear is at Singapore right now, can't even accompany me to chat too much in msn.

Yesterday we argued, I know there is something. Because of my pain actually, I don't want to go clinic, that's why... Actually I scare about H1N1 also.

My Taylor's tee
Look nicer than Tarc a lot!!!

My face looked very 'chan', sick jor, no choice. Have to smile in front of camera. Hahaha...

I miss dear. But I feel that he is so cool to me these day, I know he cares me, but he is using the wrong way.

Once I see the black pearl which is wearing on my neck, I will forget how we misunderstood each other, is it good for me?? The feeling is totally different with few days before, I mean when I just reached Subang. I'm totally down, no way to let me release my emotion.

I always trust that dear is always support me, but now my confident is getting lesser and lesser, down and unsafe are how I feel now.

Dear, you promised that we won't argue anymore right? We must put some effort on it okay? I don't want to cry anymore. People always say ' homesick ', but.... I think I get ' Boyfriend-sick '. Can dear really feels it?? I have no answer...

I love my dear, it is a fact...


Bb

I think I get sick

Today I sick jor. Feels like abit fever ( don't tell my dear please), vomit just now. But not really fever la, just i think too much.

I was crying, because i felt alone, nobody is here, except my roommate.
I miss my dear, miss until tears dropped.

Look at dear's muscle...hahaha...Acting acting.

We like to act crazy all the time, but actually just me la, obviously. XD

Last Saturday, took at Gurney Place Dome, with apple crush...

Actually I was so emo that day. Last day in Penang. Misszzz...

Attention please!!!

I'm not fever as well, maybe i will be fall sick soon, headache, dizzy.... all come together. I know dear so worry me, scare me kena H1N1, hahaha... Actually i'm scare too.

Dear, concern me more please la. I don't want to feel lonely here, and you are going to Singapore soon, although just 3 days.

I sure miss dear very very much while he is not around.


Sorry for my boring post...

love

nitezzzz...