Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Bottom = Down


I'm totally down right now, heart is bleeding, tear is dropping, hard to describe my feeling now. Do you know what happened on me? Ask yourself, if you are my friend, is there anything can make Nicole totally down to the bottom?

Yea, if you know me well, then you should know what is the answer. I don't know it should call 'blaming' or 'misunderstanding' between me and my parent, they just do what they love to do. And I have to follow what to want me to do.

Many people think that I should follow, because parent provides me everything, I should feel full with those materiality. You are right, I got everything, food, bag, house, car, clothes... All are branded, but I don't have family love. I really feel sad about it.

Subang with no family, no parent, no dear. Everything is new now, friends, environment, I still need some time to adapt it. However, they rush me everyday, just like I did a lot of wrong thing, make me can't even breath at all. Just now argued with dear, my heart is pain. I don't know whether it is my problem or his problem or either our problem, he just likes can't even understand my situation now. No matter how much I tell him, he just gave me the same feedback. Maybe he is right, I shouldn't control what I can't control in my life.

Everyone is asking me whether I going back or not this weekend, but I just say :" I don't know." Okay, fine. Even I go back, I also don't know where to stay. My parent not allowed me to go back.

My brain is not functioning at all, headache, thinking about how to solve the problems, together with the pressure in college, really no time for oxygen, can't breath totally. My head is blasting, really going insane soon.

Tell me what should I do, I lost my direction. Yes, I shouldn't off my dear's call, but i just tried to avoid arguing, my fault, I know. I miss him, I love him, I say so many times, but it never stop my feeling.


Dear, sorry about everything, I know you care me, but your actions make me feel like you are same with my parent. I just want my way. I hope you stand my by side and support me, you know what I really want right?


I love you.

Goodnight.

No comments: