How to make it bigger?

Nicole is going to bankrupt...

My mood is too bad recently, not because of homesick ( although I do ), but i'm going to bankrupt soon, no doubt, this is a truth.

I just left this little bit of money, I don't how to survive in Subang. Start from now, I need to control my daily expenses, because I really have not much of money now. Sad to say this, it is like keep reminding me. 

This is my first time, I mean going to bankrupt. Don't ask me why, I already told so many times. I more week to go, and today is just only Friday. OMG!!! Kill me please... Everyday Milo + biscuits or Cintan Mee, damn it... Really don't like this kind of life.

However, maybe this is good for me also, Nicole had never stay in this kind of situation, just let her exprience it, good for future also. (Comforting myself)

Hope to go back Penang faster, so that I won't be so suffered. Have you all calculate that how much 1 person needs to spend for 1 week in Subang?? RM 10++, I will try to survive in the following days, pray for me please...

Feel like want to cry, but I not dare to do so, I know dear will scold me. But even I cry, I also can't let him know, he will scold me too. Looking at my RM 10++, what else I can do? 

Dreaming for making it bigger, I need to tie up my little tummy, so that I won't eat so much.

Suddenly feel that life is so hard, or maybe I think so much. But I really feel suffer right now. Again, finding someone to talk to, i'm emo+ing now. 

I want to cry, miss your shoulder and big hug. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't cry, but the tears keep falling without my control.

Goodnight

Nicole is not happy today!!!

It is a raining day today, my mood is getting down and down. 

Nicole is not happy today!!!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly need someone to talk to, but where to find? Dear is doing assignment, best friends are emo-ing in Kampar. Omg! God saves me please...

I know if there is anyone who talk to me now, the person might get scolded. But I still need someone to talk to. 

I'm not the pity one, but I know everyone got his/her own problems, as me too. We need someone to talk to ( actually is need that person to release the emotion,XD ). To help us solve the problems, but i'm wondering now, who can I find and talk to???

 I miss my dear, I miss Penang, I wish to go home, but I know it is impossible.

Trying my best to do well everything, I wish he is always supporting me.

emo night, T.T

Goodnight

Happy Birthday to Nicole, Part II

Is time for me to continue my bloggy. Although i'm so free these 2 weeks, but the pressure is starting to come to me. I can feel it. 

Nothing really special happened in my birthday, because I need to go back to Subang on the next day, shittt!!! Hate it!!! Just a normal dinner with dear at a bulgarian restaurant. The food is not bad, consider okay. However, I have been waiting for my dessert for more than 30 mins. wth!!!

I need to say sorry here, because that day was too rush, and I left all the photos in my babie D 90, and it is at Penang now, i know wtf. So, no photos here. Hehe...

And I know you all will ask me what was dear presented for me right? Firstly is flower.

The second time dear bought me flowers. The first time was during the valentine. XD

A little bit surprise and touching actually.

And dear bought me a new ipod Shuffle.Wohoo... I like it, although I already got an ipod Nano. Btw, the ipod is at Penang now, because i'm at Subang. Hahaha... Can't wait to see my present.

That day was too rush, we don't even have time to take photos together, so sad. Want to cry when I think of this. Hope these 2 weeks go faster, then I can go back to Penang again.

The birthday wishes.... Ermmm... I know dear know it. 

What i hope now is everything bad can go faster, because I know the good things are waiting for me all the time. ( hope is totally different with my birthday wishes.)

Oh ya, I do miss my dear so much, and I hope he says the same thing to me too in his blog!!! But i know it is impossible. Sad...

Is time to bed

Goodnight

Starting from now

Today, I went to church with my roommate, Ivana. I pray for everything, my studies, health, for those people who love, I just pray. I wish everything will be okay, tomorrow will be another good day, I believe.

I just received a message from dear, he is busy+ing with her late cousin's funeral. He is sad to see all of his family members are crying heavily in the funeral. One of his cousin sister was fainted after cried. Although i'm not there, but I really can feel that how close the relationship there are.

My heart is pain suddenly, I believe that there is no one like to see any of his/her family member leave away, the feeling is hard to describe, especially in this case.

There are still got many things we can do right now. We refused to do many thing in the past, maybe we have not be ready yet, maybe we hate to do so, but one thing is time keeps running every moment, we can't even stop the time.

For example, I took a nap from 3pm to 5pm in 11 October 2009, that's mean there is no more 3pm to 5pm in 11 October 2009 anymore in future. Time can be past easily, we regret in past. However, we can turn the regret into appreciate start from now. We can capture every moment start from now.

These few days my emotion is up and down again, I just didn't show it, because I know dear is sad right now, I shouldn't bother him anymore. Nicole loves to cry, but she enjoys the feeling after cry, because there is another good day to her again.

There is nothing stronger than willingness. As long as we want to do, we are willing to do, I don't think we will get a bad result at last.

I'm waiting for dear's message all the time, although dear is busy, I can't get his messages sometimes, but once I had received his messages, I feel appreciate, because he is still there for me, he is still by my side.


That's all for today.

God bless you.


Goodnight.

Life is short

Something happened early in the yesterday morning, scared me when I just woke up and still in a sleepy face. Dear's eldest cousin brother suddenly passed away in the early morning...
With a unreasonable reason... I think I should say no reason.

He is just 31 years old, and has 2 little kids with a wife, everything was too sudden, no one can accept this tragedy. It was not an accident, also not a sick, and there was no any hints before he passed away. He was same with normal people, watched tv until late night before slept, but he never thought that he wouldn't see his family in the next morning.

Doctor said there is no any problem in his brain and body when he operated it. Anyway, we have to wait for 4 months to get the detail report.

I really don't know what to say when I heard this, I can't go back at the first time, because I got a lot of assignments to due on the following week. What can I do is just pray for him.

I can feel how his family feel right now, because I just lost my dearests in few years before. I understand. Life is really short...

I have learned from this tragedy, we should appreciate everything we got now, we should do whatever we like now, we should care anyone who we love... because we are lucky, we are still alive.
We still have abilities to love, care, talk... There are what we got right now.

Life is not under our control, we try to run our life, but not stop, to make it prettier, meaningful. We might loss anything in the next morning, we should start to appreciate by today, or learn it starting from now.

You should feel happy when your door alarm is ringing or open, because maybe your lovely family members are back, because they are still by your side. For couples, you should feel happy too when your partner always argue with you, because it shows that there is another person care about you.

Again, life is short, I want to shout it out here.

I LOVE YOU, DEAR!!! I'm happy that you're still by my side, we can't avoid arguments, but at least we love each other. Yes, we are the lucky one.

I hope everyone will appreciate what we got right now, we don't like this word ' regret '.


Love

I wish...

Today is not my day. Even though I have been going out with Michelle for lunch today, it still cant change my mood.

Last few days, there was some misunderstanding happened between me and family, and my dad not allowed me to go back during my birthday weekend. That's mean I have to stay back for my lonely birthday. Yea, I'm crying for it.

No other choices for me.What should I do then? Birthday maybe not really a big day, but I really don't want to stay here alone. 

Is there any ideas to help me? I've been waiting for so long, from the that day I came back, I thought I just need to suffer for these 3 weeks, but now...

Even after assignment dued, I don't think I will smile again.

I don't understand why people can't feel how much I miss Penang. 

I can give up any celebration and present to get to go home,

the important thing is go home.

I just ever request for once to go back on my birthday, but why there is not allowed? Just only once...

The only one thing to make me feel happy now is not tell me what you are going to present me, but it is let me go home...

I wish... I really can go home... 

Bitch of the bitches

What should I blog today? Keep on thinking today, feel like want to update my blog, but there is no title. 

I'm sick, head is heavy, feel uncomfortable. 

Don't know what to do.

However, there are something so annoying these few days. Since those busybody people are always reading my blog, then I won't keep it as secret, I will shout it out here!!! You know who you are. 

First, thx for reading my blog, those kepo ji. I know you care about what had happened between me and dear, you are desperately to get to know it. Don't worry, I will just write it all here as much as I can, to fulfill your needs!!!

You are waiting to see something bad happen, I know it, bitchy!!! 

Second, this is special for my college's friend. I had mentioned so many times that I got boyfriend, please don't disturb me. Not for the guy, but girl. Yea, i'm talking about you. Stop guessing and acting. I have a good relationship with my dear, I no need to find any opportunity cost for any of the relationship, it really sounds like my lecturer teaching marketing concept!!!

Stop pretenting and acting, you are so disgusting!!!

I'm wondering why all are bitches, and like to do all stupid and terrible things. Can you all go away from my life? Maybe I can't understand you all, because you all are doing something which normal people wouldn't do!!! As I said, you are bitch!!!

 Don't always link your ex with me, i'm not so free to play with you. Don't forget, I never do anything wrong in this problem, you might be the victim, but i'm the poor innocent party!!! Your attitudes are so annoying, better tie up your ex if you still keep dreaming about he is yours!!!

These are what you are, Spoil my mood!!!

Goodnight.

Happy 2nd Anniversary

Damn emo today, my mood is not good totally. Just try to make myself busy and busy all the time. And can't even talk nicely to anyone. One word, crazy. Nicole is crazy.

I'm facing too much of the pressure, I can't use to this kind of pressure, everything in my mind is negative, really can't think it nicely. Cry and cry, I know it doesn't work, but I really have no choice. I need something to release my emotion.

At last, I argued with dear. I wish he knows that i'm very suffer from those pressure, I know i'm not the one who having these pressure, but i'm very suffer now. 

Today, 4th Oct 2009 is our 2nd Anniversary. But, dear is celebrating Mooncake festival with his buddies, and i'm blogging alone in hostel. Suddenly feel likes everything is a lie. Something what he did is totally not fair to me. I'm sad.

No celebration for 2nd anniversary, no accompany, what also don't have. Not a very special day, because we are doing something different at the same time. I should say, I'm sad.

Actually I really don't know what to blog today, just random. I'm in depression, who knows it? I don't think anyone know it.

Once I step forward, I think everything will be fine. Oh ya, Nicole is going insane.

Anyway, Happy 2nd Anniversary. I love my dear, I wish... I know he know it.

Goodnight.

ManUnited's jersey with more extra marks

Just back from class. And i'm sick today. Fever and flu come together, make me can't concentrate on my studies.

Just hand up my marketing assignment 2 today, means I still got 5 more to go, wtf!!! I'm sick, I really how to do the rest of the assignments. Same thing, today got quiz in the marketing class, this is the last 2nd quiz, there will be the last quiz for the coming week. 

I wore Man United's jersey to college today, because last night got match, hahaha... And my tutor is also the fans of Man United, now i only know it. And he said," Nicole, you are the Man United's fans? ( he saw i was wearing the jersey ), then you will get more extra marks for the quiz today." Hahaha... Everyone shocked there.

 I know he is kidding, but in other way, maybe he really will give me more extra marks. Haahaha... I know i'm dreaming, as i'm sick, I feel so blur right now.

 Wear ManUnited's jersey get extra marks, then I think I should wear more times. Hahaha...

Btw, my mood is not really good right now. Something happened today, really spoil my mood again.

 

 

Bye. 

Up and Down

Is time to start my emo post again, i just can say, sorry, I really so emo today.

My mood never change into better since the day that I came back from Penang. Yea, you are right, I miss my dear. And I feel pressure enough at Subang. A lot of assignments are waiting for me, all are individual work, wtf!!! 

I'm just like rushing my time in Taylor, just keep doing assignments, everyday assignment and assignment. Maybe i'm not used to this kind of pressure suddenly, the big changes is totally become a pressure for me. 

Degree life is really totally big different with diploma. I can't sleep everyday, and I just force myself to sleep in the middle of the nights recently. Don't know who to find in the late night, don't who should I find in the midnight. I tried to call dear, but we just like made the things more even worst, for example argue.

What should I do when I sleepless in the middle of the nights? Can you all tell me? Although I just came back for 2 days, but its likes 2 weeks already, the time is walking but not running. No matter how busy I made myself, the time is hard to past.

A special feeling, when I was at Penang, I will feel happy and relax no matter how many assignments that i'm handling now. But when i'm at Subang, everything goes wrong, I don't have a clear mind, and hard to see my smile.

I'm getting bad, dear is starting her new college life right now, everyday morning class, that's mean he need to sleep early, but I know sometimes he just want to accompany me and don't want to sleep early. I feel so remorse, and I tried to lie him that i'm going to sleep, so that he will sleep too. However, it is not really work. I was sleepless at the night, but if dear is sleeping, then who should I talk to? 

One more bad thing, I fake my smile, so that dear won't see. It is hard for me, but at least he won't worry me. No matter what am I trying to do now is just not try to make dear worry about me. Because I know he will not happy if i'm not happy too.

Tell me what should I do now okay? I really out of ideas. I don't mind to feel suffer, as long as dear is happy now and ever. I'm his gf which always hurt him into the deepest.

I love my dear, this is a wellknown thing. I don't know what to do to make him feel better. Dear, tell me what should I do to make you feel better...

Tears dropping. I need someone to talk to, but there is no one else...

Night.

' Se Bu De '

The holiday is finished. Back to reality, same case, cry heavily.

I started my way at 4 something, reached Subang at 7 something. On the way back, the day was getting dark and dark, I was so scared, same as now. Drove alone, I thought I can make it, but it shown that I can't in fact. 

I miss my dear, I miss his hug, I miss everything of him. I know he know, I just feel it. We cried before I left just now, this is the 2nd time that I saw dear cry. I feel remorse actually. We are so ' se bu de ' each other, we are going to end our holidays and i'm back to Subang. 

I'm trying to control my tears anytime from now, don't know why, tears dropped easily, i'm not crying, just the tears are dropping. Yea, I'm emo right now.

You all sure think that dear cried is a funny thing, but please don't laugh, this is how I know his feeling. Imagine that your boyfriend is crying in front of you when you are leaving, how do you feel? At the same time, you are so ' se bu de ' him, how are you really feel?

Thanks dear, you gave me wonderful holiday, my days were full with activities everyday. Remember what I told you when I was leaving? The promise, I know we will hold it tight. 

 

I miss you a lot dear, I know you know how I feel right now. 

My heart is pain, but I will listen to you, because it is all your efforts.

I love you dear.

Night.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri...

Nicole is back in Penang right now AGAIN, hehe... Holiday for 1 week what, sure I will come back. 

So stim today, last night went to MOS with friends, slept less than 5 hours, and this morning suddenly my BCB lecturer announced for test, damn it!!! No choice, studied it for last minute. 

The whole Taylor's College is like rushing to go back hometown, everyone is rushing to go back after class, every car is full with luggages and people, as me too. I started to fetch Michelle at Damansara at 2pm, reached Sungai Long at 3 something, damn jam!!!

The whole journey from KL was jamming and raining. Everyone is likes going to celebrate Hari Raya, it seems like a big day for them. And I was the driver, tired tired. So now, finally home. Feel good. 

Let me rest first, continue tomorrow. 

Oh ya, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri...

Muackss

The worst thing

Something happened which made me so down right now, I can't even concentrate on my studies, don't ask me what happened on me, but it is serious, and make me sad to the bottom. The worst thing that I ever met.

I can't imagine what I would be after this, i try don't to think about it, just enjoy the days, but I really can't. My tears keep dropping, nothing can stop my tears right now.

I'm sad, i'm worry, this is the truth, I can't see any smile on my face. I try to be more optimistic, but it is can't work totally.

If you ask me what is the problem that i'm facing now, sorry, I really can't tell you even just a little info. This is the top secret which only can hide it in my heart. No matter who are you, it is a secret still.

If you want to help me, just find someways to make me happy, do something which can make me feel better. I really want to forget all those stupid things and enjoy my life.

Obviously, i'm sad to the bottom, down to the lowest now.I'm crying heavily, but there is no one here.

Good luck to me.

Bye.

Bad day

What a bad day today? Not Friday 13th, should be nothing happen what. But there is really something happened, WTH!!!

First, i'm sick. Gastric, headache, dizzy, for this whole day. After class at 12pm, headed to home and slept till 3 something, but now dizzy still. 

2nd, i'm home alone now. My housemates are going back to hometown for 2 weeks holiday, my roommate is having trial this week, so she moves to her friend's house for her convenient, they scare late to exam, because the exam is at 7am, crazy...I'm eating Mcd alone, sienzzz...

3rd, my lousy handphone is spoilt. I lost all the memory and the contacts in the phone, wth!!! The photos, the messages, all gone. I think is time to change for new handphone already. I just email to my dad, asking him to buy a new handphone for me when I go back this time, I know the percentage and chances is low, but no choice, i have to try still. Otherwise I really will Ki Siao with my stupid and lousy handphone. 

I wish my dad will get my a new handphone la, compliant for so many times, but he keeps saying about my handphone is still new, still functional. Aih... What should I say if he keeps talking about this? But, this time I really beh tahan already!!!! I need a new handphone, my dad!!!

I don't request for too much, at least Nokia E 71 can already. Dad, can you hear me?? I want this phone!!! The current one really spoilt already, trust me!!!

 

Leave me ever after

I'm having gastric right now, it is pain enough. This is not the first time that i'm having gastric, but this time is more serious, I vomit this morning just because of gastric. 

Now is pain also, no words to describe it. And my mood is bad now. I know everytime when something happened to make me emotional, then i will gastric later, included this time. 

I'm wondering why my gastric never get cure start from the first day i get it, it had been few years already, never recover at all. Even how much I controlled on my meals. Just one sentence, I used to it for long time ago.

My roommate is bought me dinner, but i'm paining, no appetite at all. It is pain no matter eat or don't eat. What should I do then? Anyway, i'm crying for it. 

Go away, stupid gastric!!! Leave me ever after!!!

Pavilion Happening

Woke up at 11 something 'early' in the morning,hehe... still morning what? Not yet 12 noon. Btw, i'm the early one, because my roommate was still sleeping that time. Hahaha... So... I'm not counted as the late one. 

Then, we straight away head to Pavilion with our messy dresses...I don't think there is any problems there, as long as I got money to pay then enough. 

 

My breakfast, 'You Tiao + Porridge + Soya' at Pavilion's food court, Food Republic. I love it so much, even dear. I took my breakfast at 2.17pm, I know it is late.  At the time, I also MMS dear, said that i'm eating it. Muahaha.... Naughty naughty...

 After that, shopping and shopping. Although I got bought nothing, but my roommate 'Ivana' 

bought a lot of things today. Nvm la, she is the birthday girl ( suppose is tomorrow, 8/9/2009 ).

 

This is how people looking at me when they are behind me. Omg, so fat la me. Want to jump into the river already. 

Walked and walked, many people today. Because of going to celebrate the Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Pavillion is giving 2 hours free parking for each of the purchase of RM250. I think so, if i'm not mistaken. Hehehe...

 

 Nicole's portrait. XD

  

Took at ZARA,Pavilion. Took it while testing a black grey jeans, anyway i'm wearing it in the photo. Hehe... Love this photo, don't know why. 

Toilet again, wtf!!! I think girsl love toilet, especially there is a big mirror. Hahaha... Look at my background please, Ivana is wearing the contact lens. Opss... Catch it! 

 

Bought it at The Loaf, by Dr Mahathir. My mini chicken burger, good taste. Delicious. Yummy...

6 something, we decided to go home. Btw, I kena RM10 for my parking fees in Starhill Gallery. Anyhow, still cheaper than Pavilion. On the way to home, we lost, fine, just turn and turn, no direction. After awhile, I saw the Petaling Jaya signboard, damn happy. Muahahaha...

Finally we reached home at 7 something. A happy day? I didn't buy anything also. Tomorrow I will not be here, so I hope Ivana will get a memorable birthday celebration with her friends.

Lastly, Happy Birthday to Ivana.

Love + Crazy.

Ms Nicole

Random

Pretty? Cute? Ugly? Funny? Acting? Posing? All here I think... Hahaha.... But I think all are Crazy... I know, I never deny it.

I'm so sien.... at hostel. Finding something to do. Give me some ideas please.

Miss Penang so much. Anyhow, I'm going back. Wait me there my friends, see you soon.

Muacks. Love

It is from Tarc

My boring Saturday night, recall so many things of my life. Everything likes come out again. I miss my previous life. It is enjoyable...

I got so many sweet and sad memories during Tarc. No matter what, there are memorable. My life likes a drama, there are so many happenings. Although some of the memories made me sad, but it really made me growth.

During Tarc, I started to know how to appreciate friendship, because it's included Love. My best friends, which are from Tarc mostly, I love them, I think they love me too.

Tarc, I met my dear, my TopMan, the 4 of my best friends. They all gave me a lot of funs and smiles. They might don't know how I appreciate the friendship, but they never left me when I need them. This is how we called Friendship forever.

We took breakfast, lunch, dinner, sometimes maybe supper together, from Tanjung Bungah until Penang Road, even we left 1 hour break time. At the end, we lated to class, but it was in a excited journey. Hahahaha... really miss it.

 

Don't know why, we love to stick together. Gossip gossip, our favourite. Even my TopMan, we always gossip at everywhere, eating, driving, studying... Miss them so much. And dear, I think no need to say, because we used to stick together, everyone knew it. Hahaha...

 

Time, can you stop for awhile? Let me enjoy the moments, because I don't want to skip anything with them. 

That's all for my boring Saturday night, all non-sense. I know.

p/s: Tuesday comes faster please...

Ms.N

OMG !!! * 2

Friday again, what to do? Nvm, i just bought my flight ticket yesterday, i'm going back to Penang on Tuesday night, for special purpose...hehe...

More than 1 year never step into KLIA already, some more this time is alone, so scary ar!!! I scare I will lost in KLIA. But just domestic departure, I think should be okay la. Don't panic, I keep on telling myself. Muahaha...

Btw, today I get my BCB's first test result, OMG!!! How come so fast one? I expect the lazy lecturer will release the result few more weeks later one. Just now suddenly annouced the result, scared me!!! However, my result is not bad, counted as good wor, lecturer said one. Muahahaha... Abit happy...

And another thing for today, moral test. One more OMG!!! I really don't know how to answer the questions. Because we all never prepared for the test, some of the students some more forget the test date. This time sure die one. God bless me please... Popi Popi...

The P1 wimax suddenly connected well today. Aih... Make me confuse whether want to complain or not, but I think complain better la, I don't know what time the line will get crazy again.

That's all for today. Tuesday come faster please... Wish me everything will be fine and same to you my lovely friends.


Love. xoxo

"Afu Afu"

Stupid and stupid moral education!!! Later, I mean Friday got test!!! WTH!!! I have to study for it!!! I hate Moral!!! AARRRGGGHHH!!!!

Just now went to Starbucks for my assignment final submission, my house's 'SUPER' P1 Wimax, so lame, so lousy, so terrible, horrible and super vegetable, really sounds lau-beh and looks lame. Can't even sign in my turnitin, then I have to waste my hot income for Starbucks. I want to complain to Wimax!!! Totally no signal!!

Everyday keeps on study, we all like crazy, our dark-circled eyes really like dark night, I mean panda la, I also don't know what am I talking about. See!!! Study till crazy already. It shows that Taylor's students are the most hard-working one. Muahaha...

Help me please... I feel not well now, hands shaking and feel dizzy these days. I don't want study for the stupid moral!!! I want to rest early!!!

I think no one will like the moral education, just one word...sienzzzz.... That's all. Look at my face, then you will know. Crazy face.

"Afu afu..."

Say good luck to me please, because i'm going to close my books and straight away lay down on my bed.

Goodnight everyone.



Love me please...XD