Who are you?

I'm awake but at the same time something I had been lost.
"Who are you?", I keep asking everyone. I just remember about my family members and some of my friends. I couldn't remember some of you!

A guy named Aston Koh was the first person that I saw when I woke up, who is him?
I read through all my wrote blog which the password given by him also, my facebook, my msn.

I need to find out everything, if you knew me, please text to my hp, i'm happy if you provide me the info about who are you and also my past. It is hard to describe about my condition, I hope you text me especially the one who are very important to me.

In my memory, I know who is Alice, ChyiChyi, Sze Wei and WanHui.

I just want to make sure everything that I had been told is true, because i'm not totally lost memory!

Text me if you knew me, especially you are so important to Nicole.

Fake a Smile

What should I response to my sickness now?
Counting the days everyday?
Keep reminding myself how many days I had left?
Counting about how many injections I had put on my skin?

What are the differences of these?

I had faked my smiles,
because... I feel really pain...sorry.

I wish he is here... At least I could be stronger.

25%

Is back in home for only half day and wondering about...
Should I take the risk just for the only 25%?
''Up to you'' they said.
Made me not brave enough to make any decision as well.
Dear, I wish you're here, at least give me a right direction,
at least make the path to be longer...
I miss you a lot.

Another Nicole

I supposed to help my dad sunway today, but I was fainted on the way while working.

And, 3rd time for GMC. WTH!!!

This Nicole, no more!!!

This one, No more also!!!

This Nicole will do. Cry heavily every night. With messy hair and ugly face.

I wish to have some outing, like last time. Long time never enjoy the days. I need some fresh air.

Pain in my disease, as I said, i'm tired. And I know that it is getting serious day by day. Maybe my outlook will be like nothing, because i'm pretending all the time, to be more better and okay in front of you all. 

Seriously, Nicole is not okay at all. Nose bleeding, fainted, breathlessly. And alot of serious things, sorry dear, I didn't tell you, and I can't tell you. 


I wish to call ' DEAR ' loudly, can you hear me? I'm paining, suffering, do you know it? Sorry for my selfishness, I just want to spend more days with you. There are not so less thing that you should know, but you know I have not much time. Can you hear me? I'm crying heavily, do you know it?

I wish... to get a happy day, even really just the only day. 

I really have not much time.

Goodnight.

Sometimes I feel lifeless.

Nicole is back, she meant back from hospital.

Want to know what happened on me? I just can say it is a ' DUA DAI JI ' ( big problem ).

My face looked so chan, because 4 days never bath. I know it was busuk. 

My hands full with pinholes now. It is pain, everyday different treatments, different level of pain. I know it is serious. I cried at hospital every night, even now.

I'm so tired, I need a shoulder now. I have no confident and energy to face the disease. No more badminton, no more swimming, no more exercises!!! 

I'm so worry that there is no tomorrow for me. Who is by my side now? No one. 

Sorry, I quit. I really not afford to do these much of things anymore. It is not temporary, but permanent. Pls understand me, pls understand what I really want now. 

Rest is for further more, but I have no time for rest. I just want to do more things which I like and love. If you want to be more happy, pls give me what I want. I will really appreciate. 

I must keep walking to make all the dreams come true. I really don't want like the late him. You know what I mean.

Sometimes, it is really lifeless.

Goodnight

Goodbye

Thank you for concerns, but I will not update my blog temporary.

Because Nicole is hospitalized, with serious disease.

Goodbye everyone.

God bless you.

Goodluck everyone.

Love.

Leave me ever after

I'm having gastric right now, it is pain enough. This is not the first time that i'm having gastric, but this time is more serious, I vomit this morning just because of gastric. 

Now is pain also, no words to describe it. And my mood is bad now. I know everytime when something happened to make me emotional, then i will gastric later, included this time. 

I'm wondering why my gastric never get cure start from the first day i get it, it had been few years already, never recover at all. Even how much I controlled on my meals. Just one sentence, I used to it for long time ago.

My roommate is bought me dinner, but i'm paining, no appetite at all. It is pain no matter eat or don't eat. What should I do then? Anyway, i'm crying for it. 

Go away, stupid gastric!!! Leave me ever after!!!

Breaking down

I feel not well today, dizzy and dizzy. My brain is breaking down, I think there is too much things inside my mind, really out of function now.

Today, never miss home, never miss dear, but I cry... Because I can't even concentrate for my studies, slept whole day.

However, I thought of something in my dreams while I was sleeping just now. There were a lot of things appeared in my mind and dream. Something which I didn't think of it for long time ago. It is a sweet memory, but for now I think it will be something which make me feel sad. Because I never know what is ' Cherish ' about that time.

My brain is breaking down. Rest is totally out for me right now.


Crying.

Sick Non-Stop

I'm sick again, I hate it. I feel that the viruses always around me all the while.

This is the first time i cried not because of homesick or miss dear. I cried when on the way back to hostel. Sweaty on my body, feel not well at all.

Sick then I will cry, because i feel suffer, and I'm alone. But dear don't understand this, he just thought that I like to cry. I'm not. He wants me to go and see doctor, but i'm alone. Not I don't want, just I have no energy. Why he can't get what I mean?

I'm so sad, he just want me to take MC, keep thinking of my attendance. When I at Penang, everything is running well; but when i came back to Subang, everything is going wrongly.

I have to face everything alone, even I tell dear, he also can do nothing, just keep talking some non sense, I still need to do it by myself at last.

That's why I cry, even now.

H1N1, Scary

Let me ask you, do you scare about A (H1N1) Virus?

I'm Taylorian, as you all know it. But... Something made me scream this evening, my collage got H1N1!!! OMG!!! So scary.

Everyone is wearing mask to college, even though they are not sick. As we knew, most of the Malaysian will not do any protection or prevention before something serious happened, but now everyone is wearing the cute mask. Hahaha...


Actually I wore it long long time ago, the photo that i took while I was at Penang Airport as above. But that time everyone treated me as a monster, wtf!!!

To protect ourselves and also our beloved family and friends, we should do a lot of prevention start from now, actually we should do it long time ago. Hehehe.... But we are Malaysian what? Hahahaha...

I'm look so happy, although i'm sick now. XD

Anyway, just take good care of your and ourselves la. We should try to stop the virus pervading, not to let the virus keep around us.



Yea, I know you love me too.


xoxo

Go away!!!

No way!!! Stupid fever was came back again last night. I feel hot and dizzy right now.

Get sore throat also, not bad, and falling into bad mood again. Sick, makes me suffer a lot.

Anyway, waiting for my dear to text me, because he just informed me that he is landed.

I think I need some medicine!!!

Go away!!! Stupid fever!!!

p/s: I do miss my dear this whole day.



Bb

Sunday

Sunday Sunday!!! Should be a lot of activities today, but i just having gastric at hostel. What to do? Just keep resting.

My fever has gone, but I still feel not well, i'm crying still. My tears keep coming out from my eyes. No way for me to stop it. Maybe I shouldn't say i'm crying, it should be teared all the time.

I'm waiting for someone this whole day, but there is no even a call or message... Don't worry, I just feel disappointed.

I'll be alright.


xoxo

Untitled Post

The sixth day to be a Taylorian. Sounds not bad, but it is really stressful. I'm sick now, as I told you all last night, fever, flu, vomit, nose bleeded... All came along. But dear is at Singapore right now, can't even accompany me to chat too much in msn.

Yesterday we argued, I know there is something. Because of my pain actually, I don't want to go clinic, that's why... Actually I scare about H1N1 also.

My Taylor's tee
Look nicer than Tarc a lot!!!

My face looked very 'chan', sick jor, no choice. Have to smile in front of camera. Hahaha...

I miss dear. But I feel that he is so cool to me these day, I know he cares me, but he is using the wrong way.

Once I see the black pearl which is wearing on my neck, I will forget how we misunderstood each other, is it good for me?? The feeling is totally different with few days before, I mean when I just reached Subang. I'm totally down, no way to let me release my emotion.

I always trust that dear is always support me, but now my confident is getting lesser and lesser, down and unsafe are how I feel now.

Dear, you promised that we won't argue anymore right? We must put some effort on it okay? I don't want to cry anymore. People always say ' homesick ', but.... I think I get ' Boyfriend-sick '. Can dear really feels it?? I have no answer...

I love my dear, it is a fact...


Bb

I think I get sick

Today I sick jor. Feels like abit fever ( don't tell my dear please), vomit just now. But not really fever la, just i think too much.

I was crying, because i felt alone, nobody is here, except my roommate.
I miss my dear, miss until tears dropped.

Look at dear's muscle...hahaha...Acting acting.

We like to act crazy all the time, but actually just me la, obviously. XD

Last Saturday, took at Gurney Place Dome, with apple crush...

Actually I was so emo that day. Last day in Penang. Misszzz...

Attention please!!!

I'm not fever as well, maybe i will be fall sick soon, headache, dizzy.... all come together. I know dear so worry me, scare me kena H1N1, hahaha... Actually i'm scare too.

Dear, concern me more please la. I don't want to feel lonely here, and you are going to Singapore soon, although just 3 days.

I sure miss dear very very much while he is not around.


Sorry for my boring post...

love

nitezzzz...

Injections

Gastric!!! Gastric!!! Doctor said I have to drink warm water but not hot water, I did it, buy why still the same??? Last time gastric happened after i ate, but now is after I drink. Even just drink water also will pain, wtf.

Look at my hand below, the nurses put the injection under the plaster. But have you ever see a nurse so stupid, I was put the injection at Hospital X, but when I go for the next day, Hospital Y, the nurse put the injection at the same place. It is PAIN!!!


Not only on my hand, also put one more injection on my ass. Arggghhh!!!! The nurse said it is anti-pain wor... Don't know la.

I just know I took 4 injections in 2 days!!! I'm crazy!!! Fucking pain!!!

**************************************************

Thinking whether today got outing or not? I don't want to stay at home anymore!!!

Although i might gastric again, but at least i'm not now. So...have to go out faster...hahahaha....

Call me out please...


Love.

Bb

Sienzzz....

These 2 days, Wednesday and Thursday, no outing anymore... I'm so sien at home, and gastric makes me goes insane.

No outing then what to do leh? Stay at home, stare at the plasma tv, play with the kids....blah blah blah... that's all. Fucking siensss....

I still got many places haven't go, Tao, QE II, Sunset bistro, beach... Then the food leh, erm... Hokkien mee, Tomyam mee, duck egg koay teow, Naan, many many things....

Dear lied me, he said he will fetch me to eat those all, but satu pun tak ada at last. Aih... Maybe he think still got time gua. Don't know him la... He is attending Xiong Ping's brother wedding dinner, but I just stare at the tv alone. Aih...

Look at my sien face... Aih... Sumor gastric... 2 days for twice injections. WTF!!! And I can't expose to the sun always, otherwise I will feel dizzy, since i'm still in poor resistance. OMG!!!

I need some activities la!!! I really don't want to waste my time anymore... Please...

Don't know what to blog today, just act crazy la...

Sorry for my boring blog, tomorrow will be better...hahaha..XD

That's all. Love

Bb.

Red Flecks

Sick for few days, not fever and flu. But a lot of red flecks on my body, never feel painful. I still can't find out what is going on.

I'm sad, and went to doctor for a few times before, but still cureless. I just came back from clinic, doctor said I have to do blood test, and it may have to stay in hospital for a few days.

I came back, I don't think I want to stay in hospital. I wanna check, but I scare the result.

Pretending okay in front of everyone, smile and laugh with them, even dear. Dear said it will be okay in few more days later. I never feel suffer of the red flecks, but scare to see it, my legs, my body. As i said never be painful, but itches.

They don't know how much I worry about it. Weakness, no appetite, no energy to talk, stay in room, this is how am I right now.

The kids treat me as monster, not dare to talk to me.

I will not update my blog these few days, let me rest for a few days.

Bb

Fall Sick Again!!!

I feels so dizzy these days, feels like want to faint,btw, i have been fainted before.

Doctor said Im innutrition,WTF!!! I kept eating recently,get hungry easily. I almost become pig already, now sumor say im innutrition, asked me to eat more vitaminsss.

Although i ate a lot recently, but all were unhealthy food, like sweets,fast food...

I wish dear will be here right now, but he is rushing his assignment at Starbucks now. Miss him so much, but i think he will never know... Everytime when i sick, he also won't by my side, maybe he thought im a independent girl, no need his helps.

But I want to tell him. Dear, I need you when im suffering or sick, I want you to accompany me to take medicine, I want you to tell me that the medicine is not really bitter, I still want to sick together with you when i sad or happy!!! But almost 2 years already, still don't have any chances. Sometimes I rather always sick, so that he can take care of me. T.T

Now is around 10pm, feels like want to do revision, but I feel so dizzy, what can I do?? I not dare to text dear, no one can accompany me. Is it anyone there want to accompany me???!!!

I think I better try to sleep early, doctor also said that I always not enough sleep. Aih.... good night la my dear friendssss, although final exam is coming but pls don't study till too late, otherwise become panda then i can't recognize you all already...muahahaha....

Lastly, I miss my dear much much!!!!!!! T.T

Bb