Sealed

I know I have to give up, forget all the grows with him.

When i woke up this morning, he appeared in my mind, together with all the sweet memories. My tears dropped with missing him. No one can help me get out from this.

I miss him, who is so far away from me, no chance to make us closer. I made this tragedy happened, remorse but useless, his family will never forgo the forgiveness.

He always come to me, talked to me, smile with me. It is a dream I know, at least I saw him.

I still remember, before he gone, he said," please take good care of yourselves, smile when i'm not here, I can't be with you always, what I want is just only your smile. "

Tears dropped again with a heavy hug, wished to replay the life. However, he still left me after a few minutes. My tee with his blood, but I never scare, because it touched to my skin, will be sealed on it, together with me always.

"You always the important to me" he said. Yea, I know!!! But I treated him badly.

I missed many good things in my life, especially him. No matter where am I, I will still miss him. Maybe I will not show, but he is still always inside my deepest heart, never disappear... I think he will be the same too, watching me in the heaven, and pray for me.

To be continued...

Bb

Red Flecks

Sick for few days, not fever and flu. But a lot of red flecks on my body, never feel painful. I still can't find out what is going on.

I'm sad, and went to doctor for a few times before, but still cureless. I just came back from clinic, doctor said I have to do blood test, and it may have to stay in hospital for a few days.

I came back, I don't think I want to stay in hospital. I wanna check, but I scare the result.

Pretending okay in front of everyone, smile and laugh with them, even dear. Dear said it will be okay in few more days later. I never feel suffer of the red flecks, but scare to see it, my legs, my body. As i said never be painful, but itches.

They don't know how much I worry about it. Weakness, no appetite, no energy to talk, stay in room, this is how am I right now.

The kids treat me as monster, not dare to talk to me.

I will not update my blog these few days, let me rest for a few days.

Bb

Life, Spiritual Journey

Angels & Demons.

It is great. I watched it with dear and friends last week. Its talked about an ancient secret brotherhoods known as the Illuminati - the most powerful underground organization in history. Must watch!!!

We went to Sunset with Justin and Jo. By watching the sunset, relaxing in holiday. Long time never go to beach, more than 1 year. It is another feeling for me.

Before going out.

Beach,Sunset.

************************************

Today is Sunday, I should go back to my own home to visit my lovely mom, but as you knew, I'm sick. Today I gastric sumor, pain and pain, slept at 3 something last night. It is really killing me. Sorry mom, I will go back as soon as possible. Muack.

Errrmmm.... Last night I was too bored, so i took this photo and sent to dear. Fucking sien!!! Sick what, can't blame!!!

Yeah!!! Dear is coming back today, dear said will brought a lot of things for me. Btw, dear lied me, getting lesser to contact me, sienzzz!!! Break promise!!!! Keep shopping, but I know he is finding presents for me. Hahaha....

Complicated and undescribable feeling. Pain in gastric, but miss dear so much, happy to know he brought a lot of things for me. Life, it is really a spiritual journey. Hahaha...

I'm waiting dear comes back.

Continue tomorrow.

Bb

ManUnited Asia Tour 2009

Hooorrraayy!!! They are coming!!! They really coming!!! Manchester United Asia Tour 2009. I'm going to watch the match on 18th July 2009. So excited. Do you? HaHa...

Yesterday I told you, dear went to KL right? Yea Yea, he was going to buy the Asia Tour 2009 tickets. These are the tickets as below. Dear brought 4 tickets, for me, himself, and his friends gua, i think. So I asked dear to send the picture for me...hahaha

Dear brought the RM 98 and free seating one, we have to go early, otherwise I will not see my Van Der Sar, the handsome goalkeeper as well. Dear said, yesterday was the first day of selling the tickets, but when he reached the Nike shop, the shopkeeper told him, all the VIP's tickets have been sold out. WTF!!! Just the first day okay?

Btw, anyone who brought the tickets on 22 May 2008, Friday, he/she will get a training pass. Only available for yesterday. Luckily dear brought it. Because he knew I want to see my Van Der Sar. Hahaha... Love you so much dear, Muacksss...

Edwin Van Der Sar he is, the ManUnited football team's goalkeeper. I love his yellow jersey so much. But I have to buy the kid's jersey, because it will be more suitable for me, the size is too big okay? But i'm doubting about what if I buy the kid jersey, then I have to put the player's name and number what? His name is too long!!! Hahahaha...

Is there anyone yet buy the tickets? Faster go!!!! It will be sold out soon!!! See you there on 18th July 2009. I wish there is any chances to let me take photos with the player... I know, I know, stop dreaming right?

Glory Glory ManUnited!!!!

p/s: Dear, faster come back okay? I miss you so much, and also the tickets...hahaha... im so bad. One more day to go.

Bb

What have you did for your dad before?

Did you all still remember this movie? " I'm not stupid too.", Singapore movie, directed by Jack Neo. It is really a meaningful and educated movie.

I'm sick today, supposed I should go to KL with my dear and his family, but i rejected them when everything was planning well. Because I got my own reasons. Very sorry to them.

As I said that i'm sick today. Turn it on the Astro after i woke up, I saw this movie is playing, and i watched it while i'm resting with doing nothing and waiting for my dear's call.

I cried when it played till certain parts. It was because of one sentence," What have you did for your dad before?" one of the actors said.

I asked myself, " What have I did for my dad before?" I think and think, there is nothing I did for him. Yes, I'm a selfish daughter. I'm so remorse.

Dad, he did a lot of things for me before, uncountable. But I always blame him, its all bull shits for me. And made him so disappointed. Sometimes both of us might get wrong, but he will just blame me as well, so I felt unfair.

Today, I realized that I was wrong. He advised me a lot when I get troubles. But i treated it as a scold. " We never finished when we lose, we finished when we quit." said my dad. Yes, I agree with these words.

Maybe it was because of his tone, so i treat his advise as scold. I know he love me so much, but i'm just too bad, never try to understand his feeling.

Did you ever said one word " Sorry" to your dad? Maybe some of the people they did it. But I can tell you, I never say it out. Even I did a huge mistake. Actually it is just a simple word, but I don't know why, I just can't say it.

I miss the moments that I together with my parent last time. Although it was just once per week, but it was enough for me. They are getting busy and busy everyday, I can't even talk to them once per week. No matter how i miss it now, it still useless, because I never try to appreciate it before.

Respect and care are the things we can do for them right now. It takes time, I know. But as long as we try, then they will happy. Trust me.

Let me give you an idea, when you feel that your dad or mom is scolding you, and don't even understand your feeling, that go and watch this movie, it helps a lot. And you might understand my feeling now. It is really works.

Appreciate now, to prevent regret in future.

FAMILY

= Father And Mother I Love You.

By the way, I miss my dear so much, although he just left me for few hours. Hope Sunday will be coming faster, I miss his hugs. I love my dear too. XD

Bb.

1 more day to go.

1 more day to go, my heart keeps jumping every minute, every second. I can't even breath.

My brain is not functioning right now. Yesterday i went to temple and prayed, made a wish there. I wish everything = my result will be pleased.

Yea, i know, even how much i worry, i also can't change the result, but i still worry.

Today is Sunday, what should I do for today? I think i should do something to make myself busy, otherwise I will keep thinking about it.

The thing which inside my mind now is the only THE RESULT!!! Result and result!!!

Lets pray together friends...

This is the last time of my wishes to my bloggy, I wish everything will be pleased. GOD, bless me please, I need some power to make me stronger. I want to graduate! And all my friends.

GOD bless me...

Agonisingly

The time keeps running every moment, we can't even stop it.

My friend told me something last night, he said that our result will be released on this incoming Monday=18 May 2009. Yes, I wanted to know it desperately, but when I knew this news, I felt shocked, it is too fast for me, I mean the date.

I so scare that I can't graduate and can't continue my studies. My insomnia has been started since the accident, and now i'm worrying about my result some more, it makes me sleepless, definitely killing me.

I really so worry about it, I try don't to think about it, I watched tv, washed my car, help my gmum do something, it all are trying to forget the pressure or even just want to reduce a little bit of it.

Please don't fail me, as long as give me Grade C can already. I just wish to pass only.

I know even how much i worry now, I also can't change the results, but I still scare. I think what i need to do right now is enjoy my holiday, relax my mind and prepare for my future. Yea, add oil!!!

GOD, bless me please, and also all my friends, anyone who will be graduated in this May. My lovely GOD, may all of us can graduate after the result released, may all the lucks are by our side.

Good luck to all my friends and also my self.

Bb

Bad Luck.

My holiday is started, my bad luck also the same. I met an accident few days before. A stupid car hit to me suddenly.

Let me tell you what was going on. Last Sunday night, when i came back from Hospital and on the way to dear's house for steamboat dinner. My car stopped on the road and waiting to U-turn, a stupid car suddenly bang me from my left side. I was so scared, and tried to press down myself don't to cry, otherwise that guy sure bully me.

After that, he gave me his handphone number, and said that he is going to repair my car, means compensate la. And then i copied down his car plat number*.

* remember to copy down plat number, more safety.

I called dear, and when i reached his house, i cried heavily on dear's shoulder. That time i only felt that everything will be okay soon, because dear is by my side. XD

I wish everything will turn into good or better luck, after these all bad luck.

Bb

Again!!!

OMG!!! I get insomnia again!!! WTF!!!

I wanted to sleep, but i just can't!!! GOD, help me please!!!

Third day already, i can't sleep totally, feel like want to kill myself. Tomorrow, I mean later la, i have a date with dear, but i still haven't sleep. How am i going to enjoy??? Arhhhh!!!

Now my holiday just get started, but i already bored to this kind of life, just a few days time only. Look at my sien face, feel bored right?? I 100% agree with you guys.

Sleep, watch tv, eat, play PS3 are my life now. Everyday do the same thing, this called 'routine' right? Aih... Im so paimia.

Is there anyone can tell me about how to sleep well at night? I don't want to get insomnia again la!!!!

Then i just end my blog here la, now is 5.48am. See!!! I still haven't go to my bed. ARRHHH!!!!

I must try to sleep.

Good night then. Nonono!!! I should say : Good Morning. XD

Have a nice day.

Bb.

Finally...

Finally!!! Finished jor!!!

I mean my final exam for last semester of my Diploma in TARC, but my dear still having exam, will be ended soon, means tomorrow la. Don't know it will be a good or bad thing also. Aih....

During the exam period, i still worrying about what are the questions may come out?, but now, i'm worrying about how the lecturers will mark my papers?? How will be my results? Is it I can graduate or not? Im fucking scare right now!!

No matter how much i have been prepared for my exam, I still worry. Why??

My lovely GOD, please bless me, and also all my friends, we all have to graduate!!! We already put much and much efforts inside it. GOD bless me.

Although I was so bad la, because the day before exam, I still go to watch softball matches. Yea, im so bad. But please bless me still la. I really need to graduate.

I will be free start from today, is there anyone want to date me?? XD

But i wish it will be memorable holiday.

Since im so free recently, I will keep updating my blog, don't worry.

Okay, thats all for today.

Bb